Fall. Wild.

27 Aug

Today was the first summer day when I saw Autumn’s bannermen arrive: grapes ripening, Kinder surprise back in stores, mornings starting with rain and nightfall bringing that cold breeze that gives me shivers. For the first time ever, I like autumn.
As much as people say about spring that she comes with fresh starts, new projects and new goals to achieve, I find it more appropriate to calm down and think about career and life plans at the end of summer, when everything settles, when thoughts gain a sharp outline and the colder weather clears the mind.
I will make the most out of this autumn and I already made a promise to myself that, by the time the first snowflake arrives, I will be sure what I want to do next year.
I just came back from Amsterdam, a lovely city with a balanced vibe, however I can’t get my thoughts straight about anything I want to do. It’s like – the moment I set foot again in Romania my mind went back to chaos. Visiting Amsterdam for a week made me realise a few things about myself and my goals. I thought I had it all figured out, but I was wrong, I still have a lot of thinking to do.
Does the environment you live in reflect in how you think and act? I really think it does. The beautiful romanian chaos gives me a lot of good ideas and good vibes, but they are all accompanied by unsettling feelings, anxiety, insecurity and overthinking.
My thoughts to work on this fall are mainly the following: I have to leave this country for a while.
I have to develop my artistic side and turn it into my career.
I must focus on one thing at a time.
I must never stop doing what I want.
I must be out in the wild more often.

My thought of the night: night time is supposed to be special, cities bring too much altered light to it and so nature’s glow fades away, stars barely shine, the sound of nature is tuned down by sirens and honks…if I could, just for one night, I would turn off the city’s lights and sounds. How many would be scared to death? How many would enjoy the darkness and the silence?
I can’t get my mind around the fact that some people don’t like being out in the wild. I crave for the silence and the beauty of the forests I used to fear as a child, I wish to spend more time at the seaside or on the brink of a river, I want to spend summer nights cuddling under the clear sky, watching the moon rise and set while no artificial sound would interrupt nature’s sounds.

Why don’t people appreciate more this feeling of complete freedom? Are they more scared by their inner light or by the sound of their thoughts?

Until now, I haven’t found anything better than spending time in the wilderness, enjoying the silence and the pure beauty of remote places, far away from the city. Have you?

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